Back With A Brand New Edition

Guys. I'm back.

I thought about posting a long explanation as to why I've been gone for so long, but that felt awfully sappy, and as you know, that is the antithesis to my being. In short, I was depressed, got on medication, got better, then tried to stop the medication and re-lapsed. Nothing major, and nothing to worry about, but I'm back on my meds, evening out, and feeling much better. So let's blog.

Camp - Childish Gambino

My love for Nicki Minaj aside, I'm really not a fan of rap. In general, I can't handle the MASSIVE EGOS of most rappers, or in the case of Lil Wayne, the incoherent giggling. I like Nicki because I saw that she was able to skillfully navigate between bravado and soulful honesty, and because she's a true performer, in every sense of the word. Childish Gambino is all that, and so much more.

Childish Gambino is actually Donald Glover. If that name sounds familiar, it should. If it doesn't, it still should, but I get to tell you why. Donald Glover was part of the comedy group "Derrick Comedy" in college. As in the people behind Spelling Bee, Opposite Day, Keyboard Kid (my personal favorite), and the one most people are probably familiar with: Bro Rape. Ever watch The Daily Show? Yeah he wrote for that. What about 30 Rock? Yup. That too. And he's on Community. And he's a legit DJ. And a rapper. Did I mention that he's under 30 years old? Yeah.

So anyway, Camp is his first studio album, a concept album about childhood and adult insecurity. The most common description of Glover's rap style is that it's "cartoonish." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I'm guessing it means that it's really exaggerated. Which isn't for everyone, I'll be the first one to admit. I like it, though to be honest, I wasn't sure if it was a parody of rap or not at first.

Regardless, the album just feels... epic. There's heavy bass (duh), but you've also got lots of background strings, piano, and operatic chanting. It gives it a sense of legitimacy and importance. Obviously Gambino isn't the first or only rapper to do that, but I think it works really well. Glover also manages to bring in a lot of his DJ experience, blending electronic influences with hip-hop. I'm a particular fan of this, since I've been a fan of electronica since I was thirteen.

Before I get to the main things I liked about the album, and why it resonates so deeply with me, I'll go through the few things I'm not in love with, or that others might/do object to.

I'm trying to decide how delicate I want to be with this. Screw it. He talks about his dick ALL THE TIME. I mean, like ALL THE TIME. I get that rappers talk about sex a LOT, I do. And honestly I don't feel like Gambino goes into as much detail and grossness as Lil Wayne or some others. But you're going to hear about the size of his penis, so don't be surprised.

The other thing is basically the exact same, just with female genitalia instead of male. You're gonna hear about those a lot too.

OK, so what did I really like about this album? Basically two things.

1. This album is so honest. In fact, I would say that it's the most authentic, personal album I've ever heard. Yes, 21 by Adele is a personal album, as is Battle Studies by John Mayer. But those are just sad breakup albums. Why can't artists get personal about anything but breakups? OK, I guess Continuum by Mayer is pretty personal, with its pervasive fear of growing up, but Camp outstrips it. Donald Glover talks about all sorts of things, from growing up poor, to being rejected by whites for being black, to being rejected by blacks for being too white, to thoughts of suicide, to fears of being an alcoholic, to just having fun. I mean, wow. It's not everyday you just tell thousands of people that you sometimes think about killing yourself.

This album really made me think, which is rare for modern in music in general, and rap in particular. I guess I never thought about what it was like to be a black man in America. I mean, maybe I did abstractly... but I never realized what kind of pressure there is to fit a certain mold. I never realized that black kids that speak well are ostracized from their culture for "talking white." I never realized that black kids with dads are accused of not really being black. I never realized how important it is to dress a certain way, to talk a certain way, to only like certain things. In some ways that isn't so different from white culture, but in some ways it's totally different. Which kind of brings me to the second thing I love about this album.

2. I relate to it.

At this point, your mind may have exploded. I mean, what does a 24 year old suburban white kid from Texas know about being black - let alone about not being black ENOUGH? What do I know about sleeping around, or being afraid I'm becoming an alcoholic? I'll admit - not much.

But I can relate to a kid who gets in trouble for talking despite being the smartest kid in class. I can relate to being called "faggot" just because I talk or dress a certain way. I can understand a guy who likes nice clothes and Sufjan, who disappoints his mother, and who never fit in growing up.

[Sidebar: If you say the word "faggot" around me, I might still twitch. And inside, I am livid. I might not fully understand what goes through a black person's mind when they hear the N-word, but as someone who has been called a faggot his whole life, I think I get it more than most white people. It is a horrible, offensive, cruel slur, and I encourage you to never say it again. And the same goes for calling things you think are stupid, "gay." It's not alright. You don't call stupid things "black" or "Asian," so WHY is it OK to call it "gay"? Answer: IT'S NOT.]

Anyway. Camp is awesome. There's some really great wordplay and one-liners. There's some epic background music. There's some legitimate singing. There's electronic influences. There's bravado. There's serious introspection. There's social commentary. It's an impressive album, assuming you can get past an exaggerated style and some really foul language (which decreases as the album progresses). Here's a truly fantastic - and creepy - single.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qL1B_r9nC9k]

A Post Just For Community

Considering how much I love "Community" [spoiler alert: it's a LOT] I'm kind of surprised I haven't written about it all that much. I'm not sure I can explain why, except that I know that very few people watch it, and that even fewer appreciate it on the same level I do. 

You see, "Community" appeals to me on a number of levels. Within the show itself, I relate to different aspects of different characters. Most strongly I relate to Jeff Winger, a vain, self-absorbed, emotionally-distant man who is very bright but even more lazy, preferring to charm or cheat than work. But, at the same time, he secretly cares about people and is only half as jaded as he pretends. In a different way, I relate to Abed, a nerdy guy somewhere on the Autism Spectrum who is awkward and overly invested in television. I appreciate his many, many references to assorted tropes and trivia, and understand the vast majority of them (which is more than I can say for most people, I believe). I can also see my fear of exclusion in Pierce, my judgmental nature in Shirley, and a fear of failure in Annie. How I reconcile that last with my association with Jeff is beyond me. 

On a more meta level, I appreciate parody/homage. Scratch that, I love it. Crave it. And that has become what "Community" is famous for. A claymation episode, an Apollo 13 episode, a Western, an Action Flick, a Zombie Movie, a Bottle Episode, a Conspiracy Thriller - all of these and so many more have been done. I think it's ambitious, and super impressive because these episodes are more than just fan-fiction or wish-fulfillment. They reveal things about the characters we might not find under "normal" circumstances. They put our characters in outrageous positions, push them to strange places, and allow us to see the results. What we get is a shockingly character-driven show, that highlights each of the group in turn. We may get paintball in a post-apocalyptic world, but we also get to see why everyone is playing - for family, for fun, to prove something to themselves or to others. We get moving speeches, beautiful relationships, dysfunctional family, bizarre plots, fun weirdness, and painful fights. The show is so diverse, so eclectic, so unpredictable... it's unique.

Tonight's episode was by far the best of the season - which isn't saying much at this point, but I'm convinced that when the season is over this will still be one I particularly remember. The plot (at first) is simple: Troy and Abed - TV's greatest bromance - invite the study group to their new apartment to celebrate living together. During their game of Yahtzee, the pizza arrives, and someone has to go down and get it. Obviously, they roll dice for to decide who will go. What follows are seven different timelines where each character in turn is chosen.

That may sound weird - and it is - but it is also BRILLIANT. Why? Because we get to see how the group reacts to the same things, but in different combinations. For example, with Shirley gone, we find out about her "Baking Problem," later revealed to be her attempt to be needed. Annie's absence reveals her gun (she lives in a bad neighborhood). Pierce leaving develops the relationship between Troy and Britta, AND Jeff and Annie. 

Honestly, I'm still freaking out about this. It goes to show just how fragile this group is - that they're one single move away from either making out or having a nervous breakdown. That they could either rise above their vindictive urges, or succumb to them in the worst ways. 

And where it blew my mind was the real universe. The one where Jeff - the leader and often glue of the group, leaves. What results is a group dance. No one's feelings are hurt. No revenge is enacted. No drugs are smoked. No feelings are prematurely acted upon. Everyone is happy. Which has all sorts of implications. Is Jeff necessary? Is Jeff in fact detrimental? Has he convinced himself that the group needs him, just to avoid having to realize that he needs them more? Has Jeff refused to change, and has everyone else's growth led to them outgrowing him? Apparently Jeff is going to be put through the ringer this season, and while I hate to see him hurt, I know it will benefit him in the long run. 

So, in conclusion, please watch this show. The first third or so of the first season is a little choppy. They were still figuring themselves out, JUST LIKE FRESHMEN REALLY DO, but when they hit their stride, YOU'LL KNOW, and thank me for it.

I'm Suffering from Playoff-Induced Hiatus Rage

Jinkies gang! It's a blog post!

Somehow every year I am completely blindsided by baseball playoffs sending some of my favorite shows into premature hiatus. This year, the main victim is Raising Hope, and to a lesser extent Glee and New Girl. All of which happen on Tuesday and have made for a Must See TV comedy night reminiscent of Friends-era NBC. "Luckily" for me, Fringe is in the Friday death-slot, meaning it isn't affected by friggin' baseball. Ugh.

ANYWAY, I figured I'd take this hiatus as a chance to catch up on some reviewing. I swear I wrote half of a follow-up to my last post, but it was just DAUNTING y'all, so I gave up. Anyway, let's talk about some shows, shall we?

Dexter
Very shows had me so excited about a new season as Dexter. I got caught up this summer after largely ignoring the series for several years. I have to say, it's pretty amazing. Michael C. Hall is an incredible actor, especially having now seen his performance in Six Feet Under. The shift is... dramatic. Anyway, Season 5 of Dexter was good. It didn't blow me away - not after spoiling me with Season 4 - but I thought it was solid. I think the Lumen/Dexter relationship revealed a lot about Dexter, and teased us with the possibility of him leading a happy life not completely based on lies. So that was nice.

The premiere (which is all I've seen so far, thanks to Showtime's hyper-vigilance against pirated online streaming sites) was quite good. I admit I had, and maybe still have, some reservations about the show/character exploring religion. I'm afraid all we'll see are the morbid, extreme, or plain crazy aspects of religion without seeing the positive impact it can have on a person. Who knows? That being said, Edward James Olmos is a welcome addition to the cast, and his villain is sufficiently creepy to keep me interested. I'm hoping Colin Hanks has a bigger role than he did in the premiere (and that he does more than his vaguely creepy priest in Mad Men).

Homeland
Out of all the many new shows I've checked out this season, none impressed me more than the first episode of Homeland. In case you don't know, here's the basic premise:

Claire Danes is an analyst for the CIA. This seems to be a demotion from active duty after a botched mission in Iraq. She also seems to blame herself for 9/11, and is on anti-psychotic medication. Damian Lewis plays a Marine who was held as a prisoner of war for several years and is suddenly recovered. Danes becomes convinced that he was turned by the enemy and is now working against the US. The series looks like it will be very "shades of grey." For instance, Danes taps phones, plants hidden cameras, and basically stalks Lewis - which is bad. But at the same time, she may not be wrong, so what are the moral implications of that? Also, just how crazy is she? This looks to be a very smart, unsettling, excellent story that forces us to examine ourselves, and I'm excited about it.

Ringer
If I'm not mistaken, last night marked the all-important fifth episode of Sarah Michelle Gellar Prinze, Jr.'s [Sorry, that's my own little joke] new CW drama. Why is it so important? Well, it's not, except that I told myself I'd wait five episodes of new shows before committing. So where are we now? Well.

Siobhan (pronounced Shivan, because screw you) faked her death and peaced out to Paris, where she has seduced a hot young employee of her husband's investment firm. She is working with person or persons unknown, presumably attempting to steal from the firm. Also she is pregabalin [another personal joke of mine]. This is one of my favorite plot lines.

Bridget has discovered that her sister is pregnant, and accidentally let it slip. Agent Machado knows she's lying about something. She and Andrew are growing much closer, and she is beginning to repair "her" relationship with his daughter Juliet. She's dumped Henry, Siobhan's lover and best friend's husband. Unfortunately her best friend Gemma found out about the affair. Bridget revealed herself, which led to Gemma blackmailing her.

Henry is handling neither the dumping by "Siobhan," nor by his publisher, well. When Bridget tells him Gemma is trying to blackmail her and divorce him, she also tells him to deal with it. The two seem to have different ideas what this means. In Bridget's naive little brain, it means live a lie and return to your wife. To Henry, it appears to mean brutally murder your wife. So we'll see where that goes.

Basically, I'm invested in the show by this point. Until this past episode, I thought Gemma was obnoxiously one-note, but now she's dead so yay? Henry was equally obnoxious, but now there's a lot more going on with his character, so I guess that's good too? I'm still not invested in Malcolm's story line at all, but since that seems to be the overarching plot of Bridget's past coming back to haunt her/ try to kill her, I guess I should suck it up. Honestly I care way more about Bridget's developing relationship with Andrew than just about anything else, and I hope this continues to be a/the major plot.

Glee
I'm gonna end this post with Glee, and I could really go on and on about this past episode, but I'm gonna keep it short(ish).

Basically, this was one of the strongest episodes Glee has ever had, and it was good by any standard. The song selection was generally good, despite that Beyonce song I find so effing offensive and bad. I mean, if I wrote a song about how men rule the world and are stronger and smarter and better than women, I would be crucified. So... DOUBLE STANDARD WOMEN.

Anyway, I liked the developing tension between Mercedes and Rachel. This was set up as A Thing early in the show, but was mostly ignored until now. I liked the growing jealousy of Blaine that Kurt is developing. I hope it explodes Real Soon Now, because I will quickly get tired of Kurt trying to hide it. I like Brittany running against Kurt, and I like that she has a legitimate reason (mostly). I liked that there was no Sue. And I liked Mike Chang's story, mostly.

What I didn't like: Mercedes only finding confidence she never didn't have because she has a boyfriend.  Great message there. Mike's parents are offensively stereotypical. PS how did Mike learn to dance if his dad hates it so much? And Ginger Supremacists. Really? REALLY!?! It was literally the dumbest thing I've ever seen on [scripted] television. It was so dumb you guys. Also the implication of Will singing Fix You to Emma. Ummm, not sure OCD works like that.

Anyway, the show is on really solid footing. We've got a number of ongoing plot threads: the student council race, the play, Kurt/Blaine, Finn's lack of ambition vs. Rachel's boundless ambition, the new Glee club, Quinn's Bitch Quest '11/'12, Will's Sexual Frustration, and many more. I like that each episode is no longer consequence-less and self-contained. I just hope the writers can effectively balance so many characters and plots.


Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Gotta shower for work. I guess? I mean it's fast food so who really cares? But still... dress/bathe for the job you want, not the job you have and all that.

My Ongoing Quest to Critique TV, Part 1

Dudes. Lady Dudes. It's been about a week since my last post, so I figured I'd review some of the shows I've been watching this season. So let's cut the chit-chat and just dive in, shall we?

How I Met Your Mother
I'm not sure what it is, but I'm just not enjoying this season as much as I should. Maybe it's that I caught up on the previous five seasons in the span of a couple weeks, and this whole "waiting for new episodes" thing goes down like broken glass. Actually that's probably it. But there's also the issue of feeling like the show is stalling. I know, I know, that could be true of any season of this show. But ever since they announced that the show will end after it's seventh season, it feels like things should really be happening. What things? I don't know. Part of me wants to say Ted should meet the mother now, so we have time to fall in love with her with him, to see their amazing synergy, etc etc. Another part of me thinks that's how the show should end, leaving the rest of their relationship to our imaginations (and what we've learned from Ted's narration). The risk with the first option is that the show pulls a Zooey, and that everyone hates her. I mean, how does an on-screen relationship compete with Future-Ted's rose-colored glasses? The problem with the second option is that nothing Ted does until the last episode will matter, so why bother? Of course, the hope is that we're invested enough in Barney, Robin, Lily and Marshall that we'll stick with it. And by-and-large I am.

Honestly, I enjoyed this week's episode. I loved the return of Kal Penn to television. I loved getting an episode mostly from Robin's perspective, and the gentle mocking of the show's very premise ["Robin. Serial killers have led me to shallow graves faster than you're telling this story."] Barney and Nora are precious. I had quite a few laughs.

But nothing feels consequential, and for me, that's a problem.

Community
So far there have only been two episodes of Community this season. And while they've both been good, neither has lived up to the absolutely stellar precedent set by season two. This latest episode was, however, substantially better than the largely underwhelming premiere. The show kept things simple, with just two plots: Annie vs. Asian Annie in a Model U.N. battle royale; and Britta vs. Chang. Basically, Our Annie has met her asian evil twin, who steals her idea for a Model U.N. at Greendale. She runs to Jeff, who rushes her defense. To settle the matter, both Annie's start their own Model U.N.s, who then race to solve world crises and achieve world peace. Unfortunately, when a real-world problem occurs (a fart), the group falls apart, Annie throws a tantrum, and storms off. This leads to the real pay-off for me, which was Jeff explaining to Annie that he feels strongly for her, but thinks it's creepy and wrong, so he treats her like a child. It was just nice to see Jeff actually vocalize the feelings that have only been hinted at for so long.

Britta's storyline was where the humor was. After learning that a former protester friend has been locked up in a foreign country - and worse, has her own Facebook page - Britta begins to wonder if she's sold out. Meanwhile, Chang discovers that being a security guard means virtually nothing. So when he tells Britta not to do something, she of course does it, badly. It's a match made in heaven, as evidenced by "Hello" by Lionel Richie playing every time they encounter each other. Britta's attempts at rebellion are pretty hilarious, and Gillian Jacobs really committed. It was great.

I'm looking forward to the apparently noir-style episode this week, and the Halloween episode later this month. I'm excited about the journey Jeff will be on this season. I'm just ready for this show to hit its stride again.

Revenge
Ok, I'm officially hooked on this show after only two episodes. Out of all the new shows I've seen this year, this is easily the one I'm enjoying most. Victoria continues to be an evil bitch. Collin continues to be smarmy and awkward. Emily/Amanda continues to be equally engaging as charming socialite and driven life-ruiner. I like that this latest episode broadened the focus, and began to develop some of the other characters - namely her childhood sweetheart and his family, as well as her future fiance. While I'm not entirely convinced the show can continue to be good after the first season, I'm pretty sure this season at least will be great. So hopefully it gets renewed, AND avoids pulling a Desperate Housewives or Heroes (excellent first seasons, intensely crappy all other seasons).

The Playboy Club
I like this show, despite myself. I still think Nick Dalton was chosen largely because he sounds so much like Jon Hamm, and that the show is trying to make him Don Draper. But I love Carol-Lynne. The whole ice-queen/aging beauty dynamic makes her alternately truly despicable and completely relatable. I like Bunny Maureen too, if only because I feel like there's more to her than we've seen so far. The other bunnies are varying degrees of interesting. Bunny Alice - the Lesbunny - annoys the hell out of me, but without her there'd be no Sean Maher, who is adorable and also FIREFLY. I love Bunny Brenda, the black bunny. I think Naturi Naughton is a good actress, and her character has a lot of sympathy. Bunny Janie doesn't really do it for me, despite her tragic past, but I don't actively dislike her.

Of course, none of this matters, since NBC canceled the show today. But still.

Supernatural
I enjoyed the premiere, I really did. I was conflicted how I felt about Castiel being the big bad, because he's my favorite character. But I liked Sam's ongoing insanity, and the Leviathans seemed like a cool villain that fit well in the Supernatural universe.

But then they killed Castiel. Again, my favorite character. So I'm upset about this. But at the same time, it pushes the characters to some cool new places. I mean, when was the last time the boys faced death. Not Death. And definitely not "death." I mean actual, final death, for someone they truly loved. Their dad? How many seasons ago was that? Four? Five? Cas was Dean's best friend, maybe even as much a brother to him as Sam, and now he's gone. Add to that Sam's insanity, and poor Dean is going to have a rough year. Which sucks for him but is good for us as the viewer. And there being so many Leviathans, in so many potential places, reinvigorates the story. So I'm excited.

Fringe
The fourth season premiere was good. Not amazing, but good. It was from Lincoln's perspective, which gave the show an excuse to re-cap the past three seasons - although in this case it was more just "capping" them, since the show's history changed. So we needed an outsider's view. But it left me wishing for more Olivia. Well this episode I got my wish.

Guys, I know none of you watch this show, but you really should. How many other shows on television get to explore two versions of the same man - one where he became a serial killer, and another where he met a woman who taught him to overcome the darkness?

How many shows parallel that with an incredible lead actress, playing two versions of herself - one where she was beaten by her step-father growing up, who was experimented on my mad scientists, who trusts no one and is somber; one where none of that happened, where she grew up to win an Olympic medal in sharp-shooting, where she is a highly decorated agent in an agency that saves the world, consistently, who is in a happy relationship? Come one guys. This is deep. This is nuance. This is fantastic story-telling and phenomenal acting. From everyone. This show is so well-done it breaks my heart that more people don't watch it.

Well guys, it's been fun. I have way more to talk about - the season six premiere of Dexter, the premiere of Homeland, Glee, Ringer, Raising Hope, New Girl, and Modern Family - but I have school in like two hours and still haven't done my homework. So I need to GTFOffline. But hopefully I'll be back tomorrow or Thursday!

Look, I know I'm behind, I'm sorry.

Seriously, I'm going to stop talking about schedules, upcoming posts, and generally making promises to ever post "regularly," because let's be honest, it's not gonna happen. And while I'm tempted to finish my commentary on premiere week by reviewing Fringe and Supernatural, I've decided that that isn't going to happen either.

You see, no one watches Fringe. I know it. You know. They know it. It's smart, it's touching, it's interesting, and it's basically one of the best shows on network television today. I love it. The premiere was interesting, but it's going to take a while to figure out where the show is going, and whether I approve of an a-Peter world ("a-" in this case meaning "without," like in "asexual"). This IS the perfect jumping on place for new watchers, so I highly recommend it.

As for Supernatural... come on. Like I'm really going to sit here and critique something that for me is basically popcorn? No. Supernatural is my "turn the brain off and focus on the good-looking people fighting monsters and demons and try to grasp that feeling I felt when Buffy was still on air" time.

So, I'm going to post really brief follow-ups to some of last week's premieres, and get onto what I really want to talk about: Glee (a part of me just died, admitting that).

How I Met Your Mother
If you don't already know, I wasn't the biggest fan of last week's premiere. I've never been a fan of Victoria, I don't like shows re-treading the same ground (Scrubs), and so few comedies need to be an hour long. However, I positively loved Monday's episode. Not so much the Ted and Victoria stuff - although I enjoyed the Klaus-close-class banter, and the fact that in Robin's head Ted is a silent-movie. IF ONLY SWEETHEART. I much preferred the ducky tie story, in which Barney - over the course of years - trained Marshall to respond to his sneezes like Pavlov's dog, took specialized cooking lessons, faked being drunk, and generally manipulated everyone into allowing him to either see or touch Lily's fantastic pregnancy boobs. [Points to Ted for saying it looked like she had a butt on her chest.] This was classic Barney, trying to win a bet. Strike that, it was classic HIMYM, and it was nice to see again. I also enjoyed Victoria's parting wisdom, that the whole Ted-Robin-Barney triangle needs to be addressed, and dealt with - soon.

Raising Hope
This week focused on the reveal that Sabrina is secretly wealthy, but chose to forge her own way rather than rely on her father, and have to deal with awful rich people. Of course, the real reveal isn't that Sabrina was the one good apple in the barrel, but that she felt insecure around them, and also believes that she is better than, well, everyone. Jimmy et al included. I'm not sure this really jives with the Sabrina we've gotten to know over the past year, but this is a comedy; it will probably never be mentioned again. The toilet plot was absurd to the point of being dumb, but it ended nicely enough with a lesson about putting others' needs above your own... I think.

Parenthood
I watched for about 15 minutes and then went to check my e-mail. My brother than changed the channel to That 70s Show on Nick-at-Night, and that my friends is where we stayed.

New Girl
I was legitimately upset that Damon Wayans Jr. was no longer on the show, as he was - at least in my household - the favorite character. I also briefly worried that the show was going to simply replace him with another black actor and hope we didn't notice. Don't worry, nothing so offensive happened. Instead, it acknowledged that the character was gone, and quickly filled his void with... another black character who is into sports... hmmm. I guess the writers liked the dynamic between a bartender, a douche, and a black fitness enthusiast that much? Anyway, the new character - or maybe it's the actor - is nowhere near as entertaining as Wayans, to the show's detriment. I mean, the side characters were caricature-esque enough, and now we have another new one to deal with? Boo. Honestly I'm not liking the series as much as I hoped. Zooey being weird is one thing, but she's like... aggressively weird on this. I find myself uncomfortable, rather than charmed. Maybe that's the point. I don't know. But I'm still on-board.

Ringer
I'm watching it now, but I have work soon, and I really want to get this up today, so I'll update with Ringer later.


Glee or, The Problem of Blaine
If you're a fan of C.S. Lewis, you're cracking up right now.
If you followed my old blog, then you know my issues with Glee. If you don't, allow me to summarize: Too many guest-stars. Too many themed episodes. Schuester and Rachel went from sad underdogs to unlikable divas. Sue never makes sense ever. Too. Much. Kurt. Feeling exploited for my love of showtunes and or nostalgia for an 80s I was barely part of. Et cetera. So I stopped watching. But they promised to fix (some of) those things, so. I'm back. And I hate to say it, but Glee's actually been pretty good lately. BY GLEE STANDARDS Y'ALL, don't get crazy.
Last night saw logical progression from last week's developments!! For the first time in years! Kurt and Rachel, having learned that they aren't such hot Schmidt (shout-out to New Girl), have decided to push themselves by pursuing musicals and student office. Only, hold on, Rachel now has to deal with her estranged bio-mom suddenly being back in the picture. [Sidebar: as ridiculous as it is that Sugar's Daddy (see what I did there?) paid the school to hire Shelby just so his daughter could feel special is, it got us Idina and actual drama, so I'm OK with it.] This also causes Quinn and Puck to confront Season 1 plots that were forgotten in the haze of Season 2. Puck immediately steps up to be part of his daughter's life. Quinn takes some nudging but ultimately decides to clean up her act so she can get to know her daughter. OR DOES SHE??? (Hint, she doesn't, she wants her baby BACK like Knives Chau wants Scott Pilgrim) I found this a little silly to be honest. But I like that the writers are able to clean up some shoddy character work over the last year or so by basically saying "Well she missed her baby but didn't know it so she got sad and angry and random."
What else... I like that Finn and Rachel had vague chemistry for pretty much the first time since the pilot. Sue's plot line is still stupid, and it seems to be really over-foreshadowing that Will is going to run for the same office. Dumb dumb dumb.

OK, so here's the part I really want to talk about. Season 2 Kurt was like... a saint. The writers took every flaw he'd ever had and tossed it out the window. They beatified him because they realized they'd written a hugely influential character that connected to thousands of gay kids across the world. They made all the other characters realize their prejudices. They created a magical bully-free prep school. They even revealed that the guy who terrorized him was just in love with him! And as a reward for being so wonderful, they gave him Darren Criss - a talented, good-looking, good-hearted guy with interests beyond clothes and musicals such as football. Yay Kurt.

Also, I'm 90% sure that when we met Blaine, he was a year older than Kurt. Now he's a year younger. Guess The Flash really did a number on continuity here too, huh?

Anyway, now Blaine has decided to transfer to McKinley - despite Dalton being better for him academically and probably artistically as well, despite having been a substantial financial burden for his family, despite having made friends - for Kurt. He decides to try out for West Side Story, but not for Tony, because Kurt wants to be Tony. Even though he would be perfect. In the end, the directors ask him to go for it anyway, and we're left not knowing his answer.

Now, this can go two ways. One, he does not go for it. In this scenario, he once again puts Kurt's delicate ego above his own, swallows his dreams, and remains the perfect boyfriend. AKA the perfect reward for Perfect Saint Kurt. Or two, he does go for it. I seriously hope this is the way the show chooses to go. You can't base your whole life around someone else. You can't dim your own star just so someone else will seem brighter (pardon the froufy metaphor; it's Glee). This will force Kurt to confront his own jealousy. Which will mean he has flaws! That he's in the wrong, not everyone else! This could reinvigorate a character I frankly can't stand.

[My main issue with Kurt is this: in Season 1, there was the boys vs. girls episode. Kurt was offended that he was put in with the guys, and betrayed them. He's one of the girls he says. One season later, he is offended when his dad wants to do guy things with Finn instead of him. "I'm a guy!" he tearfully exclaims. Sorry dude, you really can't have it both ways. Also, the total lack of flaws the writers want us to see in him. That stuff too.]

Anyway, I'm looking forward to Kurt vs. Brittany for office. And Mercedes vs. Rachel for Maria. And Kurt vs. Blaine for Tony. I'm actually looking forward to Glee. What. Has. Happened. To. Me.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, pt. 4

OK, so I know I promised a lot of content for today, but things came up, and I've only seen two shows. So... this is why we can't have nice things. So let's just get started.

Person of Interest
J.J. Abrams + Jonathan Nolan teaming up to make a show that stars Jim Caviezel and Michael Emerson? Consider me sold before the show even starts.

Hold up. Flag on the play.

This show was HELLZ BORING. Just like every show on CBS, everything was colored blue. There were generic villains. Generic dialogue. Forced 9/11 references. Plot lines from The Dark Knight. Bo.Ring. Throw in that Jim Caviezel delivered half his lines like he was reading cue cards and I was downright displeased. Not even Michael Emerson could save it. There was not enough backstory. No one seemed to have a personality! The twists were underwhelming, because I didn't care about anyone. But basically it was just boring, minus Jim kicking all sorts of ass.

Final Verdict: Maybe this is just premiere season ennui. Maybe it's having expectations that were far too high. Maybe this is my adolescent rebellion against the producer I trust more than any other (J.J.). I don't know. But I legitimately don't want to see another episode. I probably will, because come on, it's J.J. But I will have to force myself to come back, and I may only give it three episodes.

Community
Oh Greendale, how I have missed you. You truly are my favorite show, and it was a long summer apart. Let's be friends again this year. OK, sweet.

To be honest, this was one of the weaker episodes of Community in some time. I loved the opening. It pretty much says everything you need to know about the show. People may want it to be less crazy, less weird, more grounded, more upbeat, more mainstream, more "normal." And it will respond with a musical dream sequence. Which was fantastic. Jim Rash and Yvette wearing the same dress? Jeff and Dream-Annie saying they would finally sleep together? An aerial ballet Human Being? Perfection. I also loved John Goodman as Vice Dean, being intimidating and also unintentionally dirty. I think he's going to be an excellent villain this season. I also like Chang's new status quo as security guard, or as creator Dan Harmon described it, getting to see "what happens when Gollum gets the Ring." I loved Cougarton Abbey and Inspector Spacetime.

But as someone who relates to Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) a little too much [basically he's a heartless douche who isn't really heartless and is learning not to be a douche], it was really hard for me to see him crazy and kind of evil last night. I mean, I get what the show was going for. Showing us, and him, what it's like on the outside of the group and how much he needs them? That was great. And revealing his fear of becoming Pierce was equally great. I just felt like the group was way too forgiving/accepting of Pierce after everything he did last season, and way too hard on Jeff - even going so far as to say they didn't even want to be friends with him anymore. I felt like it was inconsistent with what we know about them.

Final Verdict: Season premieres have never been Community's strongest suit. I get that, and hopefully so does most of the audience. I'm excited for everything this episode set into motion, and hope to see a season that can compete with last season's TRULY stellar year. Bring it on, junior year.

And that's it for now. I may update this post later if some of my friends have reviews of any other shows from last night, but who knows? In any event, I'll see you tomorrow with reviews of Supernatural and Fringe, two of my favorite shows currently on!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, pt. 3

Guys. I'm loving TV this year. I had heard there would be not a lot of anything great, but nothing truly awful either. Just a year of mediocrity. So far, I disagree. Few things have truly grabbed me by the hair, dipped me, and taken my breath away, it's true, but I see a lot of potential, and that is truly exciting. In fact, I've watched more TV this week than the past several weeks combined.

That being said, I am fairly relieved that last night was pretty light on things I actually wanted to watch. In fact, Modern Family and Revenge were about the only things I watched. So let's get started, shall we?

Modern Family
I so desperately wish I could say I've been watching this series since the beginning, but last night's episodes were only the third and fourth I've seen live. Fact is, I had resisted Modern Family for almost two whole seasons, because for some reason I saw it as a competitor to my one true love, Community. I don't know why, because they aren't on at the same time, or even the same night, and to be totally honest it's not like I expect Community to be winning Emmys (even if I think it could/should). But I finally saw the light (which is code for "ran out of things to watch on Netflix"), and got caught up in around four days. Because I LOVE it. It's more or less the perfect sitcom. And last night was no difference. The first episode saw the extended Pritchett family on a dude ranch in Wyoming. Dylan proposed, Claire freaked out, Phil had enough of trying to win Jay's approval, Alex got kissed by some Brooklyn bozo, and Mitchell freaked out about not being masculine enough to raise a son. Overall, this episode was hilarious. It was nice to see Phil (my favorite character) grow up a little and take charge. It is Jay's problem that he hasn't accepted Phil, because he is a great husband and father. The second episode centered mostly on Cam and Mitch trying to set up a dinner to tell the family about adopting a new baby. But Lily has started making comments about killing babies and shoving anyone who touches Cam, so that's... problematic. The B plot follows Claire's quest to prove that Phil shoved her in a grocery store, and Jay's similar quest to find out if Manny and Gloria told him a lie. My one complaint with these episodes, is that everyone seemed so hostile. Haley was so mad at Claire, Claire was mad at Phil, Phil was mad at Jay, Jay was sort of mad at Gloria, Alex was angry at that boy, Lily was mad at everyone. So much anger, Dunpy-Pritchetts! I like that things aren't all peaches and gravy, but where was the love??? Hopefully things aren't so stressful all season.

Final Verdict: I don't know that Modern Family could keep me away if it tried at this point.

Revenge
Honestly I only watched this because I wanted to review more than Modern Family, and everything else was either reality TV or a crime procedural. Blech. So, I tuned in for cute Everwood girl. And I wasn't disappointed. I was, however, confused. To be fair, I wasn't paying 100% attention as I was, ironically, blogging. So I'm actually rewatching it on hulu as I am... yes... blogging. But it makes more sense, maybe because it's the second time, maybe because I'm only blogging during commercials. So, here's the run-down for y'all. Apparently, X years ago, Amanda Clarke's dad was arrested for - I think - acts of terrorism. I think a plane crashed, and he was blamed when everyone at the company he co-founded testified against him. He was arrested in front of Amanda, who took it badly. She apparently went to juvie for a while, and upon release found out that her father was dead, and that she owns 49% of said company and is exceedingly wealthy. Her father's journals and letters urge her to forgive, but that is beyond her. So she moves to the Hamptons under the name of Emily Thorne, and sets into motion numerous tricky schemes to ruin the lives of everyone who lied about her father. So far, this has meant exposing an affair, through the use of some sort of poison and disguise. Jump forward 5 months, and she's apparently engaged, though her fiance is killed. No one knows who killed him. It could be her, we don't know. What I do know, is I'm intrigued. I like the villain, Queen Victoria, aka Cora from Last of the Mohicans. She's a bitch. My brother and I nicknamed her Skin, because she's kind of pale. Everwood girl is beautiful as ever, and equally believable as plotting, revenge-driven Femme Fatale, and charming, philanthropist Girl Next Door. All the wealth and parties remind me of The O.C., without feeling derivative.

Final Verdict: To be honest, I was expecting an epic cheese-fest. So I was pleasantly surprised by how complex the plot (and multiple timelines) were. I was also surprised at how dark it all was. Again, pleasantly. Like most shows, five episode commitment, but I'm fully expecting to be in for the season.

And that's actually it for Wednesday. Thursday is a magical day! We've got COMMUNITY!!! We've got a new J.J. Abrams show - Person of Interest! And my friend Trace will be back to review Parks and Recreation and Grey's Anatomy! And maybe some other things. I don't know. It'll be a surprise to all of us! So see you then!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, pt. 2

Guys, I hope you're enjoying premiere season as much as I am. And, in the event you're not, I hope you're enjoying reading my blog as much as I am enjoying writing it. I'm just going to assume you are, for all of our sakes.

Well, today's post covers the premieres of last night, specifically: Glee, New Girl, Raising Hope, Parenthood, and Ringer. Yes, I know Ringer technically premiered last Tuesday, but I forgot, so it was still new to me, OK. So let's get started, shall we?

New Girl

When I found out Zooey Deschanel was going to have her own television show, I may have fainted. By which I mean, I did NOT faint, but probably squealed like a girl. What is there not to love about her? I mean, she somehow manages to be quirky and off-beat without being the least bit pretentious or hipster! I don't know how she does it, but I dig it. She sings, she wears vintage clothing, she's super nice, and she tweets adorably to Ben Gibbard! I'm. Ob. Sessed. That being said, "New Girl" didn't quite blow me away. Zooey was Zooey, and that was nice. She was a nice stable core, around which rest of the show is clearly built. This is great, but quirky girl being quirky isn't going to sustain a weekly television show forever, if you know what I mean. There have to be solid supporting roles - which I think we have, or at least, will have. I'm hoping the guys in particular begin to differentiate themselves, and gain a couple extra dimensions. Because at this point they are just The Douche, The Chump, and The Black Guy Coach. The Douche takes off his shirt and says fratty things, The Chump cries about being dumped, and The Coach yells. Cool. 

Final Verdict: Zooey alone has me signed on for a five-episode commitment. Throw in the son of Damon Wayans, and Leo from Veronica Mars, and I'm optimistic. Add the model friend Cecelia telling the boys that if they hurt Jess, she "will crazy murder" them, and I legitimately expect to be hooked. I'm just not quite there yet. 

Raising Hope

Easily my favorite new show from last season, Raising Hope seems to be one of those shows not a lot of people watch, or even know about. Fewer make it past finding out that the baby's mother was a serial killer who was electrocuted. But I LOVE it. It blends shockingly irreverent with oddly sentimental in a way that The Office still wishes it could. Martha Plimpton was robbed at the Emmys, because her portrayal of Virginia is nothing short of brilliant. How Garret Dillahunt wasn't even nominated (especially if you've seen his totally opposite character in The 4400) is beyond me. I even enjoy Lucas Neff - who is in some respects the male counterpart to Egg, Bland, Plant, Yam, Ann "Hog" Veal, in that he seems to make no impression whatsoever on most people - and Cloris Leachman, whose character MawMaw is a little too crazy. Anyway, the premiere revealed that Jimmy was once a musical prodigy, who had the power to make girls swoon with his voice and piano skills. Everything was set for him to become a star, until he was struck in the head by a rogue putter. Upon waking, Jimmy had lost all musical talent. Throughout the episode, Jimmy tries to get it back in various ways, before everyone realizes he sounds amazing drunk. What I appreciated about this episode was the numerous ways it subverted expectations, from the drinking, the truth about the putter. Plus, it ended on a somewhat hopeful note that has me excited about the future for Jimmy/Sabrina.

Final Verdict: This show had me hooked about ten minutes into its pilot, and it hasn't done anything to jeopardize that so far. It has avoided two of the biggest sophomore mistakes - suddenly introducing new/irrelevant/unpopular characters (LOST, The OC, One Tree Hill), and going for bigger, crazier spectacle (Glee). All it needs to do now is stick to formula, but introduce just enough advancement to make sure this isn't just a rehash of Season 1.

Parenthood

Ok, so I don't watch Parenthood too often. My reasons are as follows: Lauren Graham will forever be a Gilmore Girl in my head, and to be perfectly honest I heard enough of any of them talking to last me a lifetime. TOO. MUCH. BANTER. Dax Shepard infuriates me a) because he reminds me WAY too much of Zach Braff (who sends me into rage blackouts. I mean, we get it, being a neurotic Jew is hard. This is hardly New Information. But do we really have to suffer through every inconsequential thought you ever have? [This is ironic in a post-Twitter age]) and b) stole Kristen Bell from me. Come on dude, you're eight feet tall. Do you really have to get with one of the seven who are shorter than me? Also, I thought it was a total copy clone of Modern Family, what with the grumpy grandpa and the whole "we are a unique modern family" feel. So when I watched the season finale a few months ago, I was shocked because it was SUPER dramatic and I was expecting comedy or at least a little levity. NOPE. It was all crying. Sorry TV, enough of that going on in my own life [at the time; medication has been sought, no one worry]. But I tuned in for the premiere out of sheer curiosity/I was high on TV and needed more. What did I think? Well, +100 for Peter Krause, because Six Feet Under was Phenomenal. +50 for Mae Whitman (25 because she was Ann in Arrested Development, 25 because she is the voice of Katara in Airbender). But -100 because she didn't appear until 45 minutes in and then only for ten seconds. -25 for Jason Ritter because The Event was JUST SO EFFING AWFUL. So I guess we're vaguely ahead in this game where the rules are made up and the points don't matter. But I don't know if I'll be coming back. You see, I work nights, so I'm never going to see it live again, and I just didn't feel that spark to keep me coming back for more, let alone having to hulu it.

Final Verdict: A show this (melo)dramatic just doesn't have a place in my heart - not at this time in my life. Maybe if I felt it could compete with any of the amazing cable dramas in my life, but honestly I just don't find it interesting. Bring in some meth dealers, some cowboy justice, or some prohibition, and I'll give you another shot.

Ringer

If at all possible, the return of Sarah Michelle "Buffy" Gellar Prinze, Jr. to network TV had me even more excited than Zooey Deschanel. I mean come on people, this is BUFFY. You already should know how much that means to me. It's a lot. In case you were still wondering. Anyway, Ringer, is the story of Bridget, a recovering addict/former stripper, who saw a murder and was supposed to testify. However, she broke out of protective custody to see her identical twin sister Siobhan (pronounced "Shivan" apparently) who is living all Great Gatsby up in here. But things take a dark turn when Siobhan seemingly kills herself while out on the ocean. In a moment of panic, Bridget assumes her sister's life. Only things are much more complicated than they appeared. Siobhan's marriage (to Ioan [pronounced Owen] Gruffold) seems to be totally devoid of love. His daughter hates everything. She has a best friend! But oh guess what she's sleeping with her husband. Oops. So yeah. Frying pan. Fire. You get it. To top things off, there's apparently a hit out of Siobhan for some reason, and Shiv is in France or something being mysterious. Also she's pregnant, but probably doesn't know it. Anyway, I really like it. There's just enough intrigue to keep me coming back. Is Shiv a spy? Is she a villain? Will the FBI figure everything out? Will the murder guy? How's Bridget supposed to fake a pregnancy? Will she fall for "her husband," who is apparently falling back in love with "his wife"? Will the affair be revealed? SO MUCH COULD HAPPEN! 

Final Verdict: I'm pretty well hooked guys. Look. I know this isn't the best show on TV. I know it's in all reality nothing special. But I'm interested. So unless it gets really bad, I'm probably in for the long haul. 

Glee

Guys. I thought this moment would never come. I successfully put Glee behind me after last season. After that Atrocious Rocky Horror episode, I was just done. I was offended on a writer's level, as a fan of Rocky Horror, and as a human being. It was literally the worst thing I have ever seen in my whole life, television-wise. I mean, I stayed a few more episodes to review, because bashing Glee is 10x more fun than loving it, I PROMISE you. But I was done by Christmas. And then they went and promised only two theme episodes this year! And to tone it down on the guest stars! Well, I was intrigued. And last night's episode has not changed that. Trouty mouth is gone. Good, he was useless. I'm sad that really really fat girl is gone, but if it means back to basics, bring it on. Apparently Sue is coach again? Why? Because screw continuity and logical repercussions, that's why. Quinn is angry, and no one knows what to do with her character. Santana is a bitch. Brittany is dumb. Artie is pretty much forgotten. So basically, nothing has really changed. Inconsistent show is still inconsistent. But... I don't know, I still enjoyed it. A) Darren Criss is there. I have to confess that I'm kind of obsessed with him. I mean, he's probably the best singer there. GQ loves his style, and I love GQ. He made the Harry Potter Musical. And his character breaks all kinds of gay stereotypes, unlike Kurt who reinforces ALL OF THEM. So that's nice. B) No more stupid emphasis on being current. Bring on the 80s. C) There seemed to be a renewed sense of purpose. I say "seemed" because it wasn't totally apparent. There was a LOT going on last night. Way too much in fact. But I'm vaguely excited despite myself. As long as the show doesn't try to do all of them every episode.  

Final Verdict: Glee, you're still on probation. Five episodes. If you aren't legitimately GOOD, we're DONE. And I mean it. I can't keep being angry that you have never lived up to that first few episodes forever. My suggestion: abandon the Sue for office plot while you can. It's beyond stupid, and she's past redemption as either a character or a villain. Less Matthew Morrisson being sad about being sexless. More Leah Michelle and Kurt realizing they aren't awesome. And Darren Criss singing everything. OK thanks. 

So, that does it for Tuesday. Holy crap, what a night of TV. I can't handle that much every week. Seriously. Luckily, it looks like Wednesday is just going to be Modern Family, maybe Happy Endings when it comes back, and I might try to review Revenge and see what happens. It's the Everwood Girl, so... who knows. Cheesy ABC is so cheesy sometimes. 

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

No, I'm not talking about Christmas! My feelings toward that season are extremely well documented. I'm talking about PREMIERE SEASON! And for a TV addict like me, this is pretty much the same thing. 

Now, I was going to post about the Emmys, but realized this would be better. And then I realized reviewing the week's premieres would be a lengthy undertaking. So, I propose this: one post a day, reviewing the previous day's premieres. I watch, so you don't have to! You're welcome!

Alright first up we have "The Playboy Club." So let's get this out of the way: IT WANTS TO BE MAD MEN. It's not. But that doesn't mean it can't be good in its own way. Let's face it, Mad Men would never make it on network TV. It's slow, introspective, cerebral. TPC takes the nostalgic appeal of a time when women wore pearls and men wore fedoras, when you could still smoke wherever the hell you wanted, when change seemed possible, when music was real, and repackages it for a network audience. That means Bunnies, the Mob, and - apparently - Tina Turner. The series seems to focus on three characters: Don Draper Nick Dalton, Bunny Maureen, and Bunny Mother Carol-Lynne. Not-Don-Draper has the whole silky voiced air of mystery thing going on [SideBar: I kind of suspect homeboy was chosen solely because he sounds so much like Jon Hamm]. He apparently used to work for the mafia, but is now looking at becoming District Attorney or some such. Carol-Lynne apparently was the First Bunny, which she only now seems to realize is a bad thing in this business. She has Issues with that. Maureen apparently has some sort of seedy past that is never elaborated on, and may or may not accidentally kill the head of the mafia. Oops. So that's all going on. The directing is great, as is the music. I found myself drawn in by the leads, almost against my will. After all, I went in pretty biased against the show. The acting seemed pretty good, and there's just enough going on with the side-plots to keep things interesting.

Final Verdict: You've got me interested, weird "Chicago" vibe not-withstanding. I'll commit to a five-episode... commitment. It has that long to get me truly on-board, or I jump ship. I only have so much bandwidth to hulu with.

This next review comes from my dear friend, Trace.

When I heard the premise of the new CBS sitcom “2 Broke Girls,” my immediate thought was, “wasn’t The Simple Life cancelled in like ’07?” The show is centered on two hot girls who don’t get along but are totes bffz and like, can’t BELIEVE they have to work in such an icky diner. Immediately I pushed it to the part of my brain I like to call, “Things that Make Me Want to Move to Europe,” and never gave it a second thought. That is, until I heard the creds signed on to the show. Created by producers Michael Patrick King (sugar daddy of the Sex and the City glamazons) and comedienne Whitney Cummings (who I happen to find very witty and Chelsea Handler-ish), the two girls announced to be playing the Paris/Nicole pair were Kat Dennings (Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist; Thor) and newcomer Beth Behrs. I almost always enjoy anything Dennings is in, as I am a sucker for girls with a biting tongue and deadpanned mug, and I was actually vaguely familiar with Behrs through various theatre connections, so I decided I would tune in and see if this has anything going for it at all. The verdict: not much. The show opened with Dennings spitting out a cornucopia of extremely forced and unfunny one-liners, with a few sexual innuendos to keep it kosher. Also: canned laughter. If there is any better way to get me to turn off the television, it’s to use canned laughter in a sitcom. I was very upset. The show introduced zany caricatures of diner-folk, and altogether felt lumpy and rough. Things got a little better once Behrs arrived on-scene; she managed to combine believability and cartoonish arrogance into her performance, making it the single thing I like about the show. Though she breathed nuance and intelligence into a role we have seen a million times before, I don’t know if it will be enough to save this show from the dregs of Two and a Half Men Hell.

Final Verdict: Will I be watching next week? Possibly, if only to see what else Behrs can do, but I’m not making any promises.

Next up, we have a personal favorite show of mine: "How I Met Your Mother." Last season's finale pulled the rug out from under us - the wedding they had been teasing all season, the wedding at which Ted meets his future wife, was not in fact some random guy's wedding, but was actually BARNEY STINSON's wedding. But! Who was the bride?! Nora? Robin? Surely it has to be one of these! But... this premiere totally ignored all that. Surprise! Instead, it focused on... Marshall getting a streaking video off the internet, Barney sleeping in a diner, and Ted going to an architecture conference. Don't worry, there was Martin Short. Making the worst puns I've ever heard with the worst green screen I've ever seen. (In case you haven't noticed, I was not a big fan of this episode) It's just... we only have two seasons left! I wanted to see some acknowledgment of last season! An awkward gyno visit with Lily! Another glimpse of the wedding! A freaking yellow umbrella moment. Instead we got a weird guy with 40s taped to his hand, a Lenny Kravitz fake-out, and - oh yeah, the return of Victoria. As in, the most boring of all Ted's girlfriends. We're in the fourth quarter, guys, we don't have time for bullcrap like this. I would rather Ted do something crazy like maybe be single for once, than see the return of Lametoria. 

Final Verdict: Of course I'm going to watch. I mean it's the sixth season. Come on. But things better change because this was dumb.

Aaaaaand that's actually it for today. Because I'm not reviewing Reality/Variety shows, I refuse to watch Two and a Half Men, I don't watch Hawaii 5-0 OR Castle, and the rest of the season hasn't premiered yet. BUT, check back tomorrow when I post an unprecedented second time in a row! I should be reviewing New Girl, Raising Hope, Ringer, and due to popular demand, the return of Glee coverage! 

Also! If you watch Cougar Town, TALK TO ME. I could use a reviewer of Abed's favorite show!

Movie Review - Drive

"Wanna tooth-pick?"

Yesterday, I decided on a whim to go see a movie; which one was yet to be determined. The contenders were "Contagion," "Straw Dogs," and "Drive." Here, in short, is the case for each as it was in my head.

"Contagion is killing the box office, has Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Jude Law. It seems dystopic and paranoid and relevant."

"Straw Dogs. Alexander Skarsgard. Great actor, stuck in crappy things. Maybe not this time?"

"Drive has Carey Mulligan who is the most precious thing ever. I've liked Ryan Gosling since his 'Young Hercules' days, but The Notebook kind of ruined him for me. But reviews have been glowing."

Ultimately I asked my movie critic friend, who informed me that 'Contagion' just makes you want to wash your hands, and that 'Drive' was my best choice. Trusting him, I went to the theater immediately.

I was not disappointed. I'll try to summarize without giving away spoilers.

Ryan Gosling is an unnamed stunt driver/mechanic by day and getaway driver by night. He leads a relatively simple life however, seemingly without friends, family, or frivolity. He speaks seldom, and gets to the point when he does. All this changes when he meets Irene (Carey Mulligan) and her son Benicio. The two share an instant attraction and soon begin seeing each other - though this appears to mean hanging out with her son and driving around at night. Everything is going great, until Irene gets a call that her husband Standard is getting out of prison. From here, the movie abruptly shifts gears (see what I did there?) into an intense, action-packed thriller that left me on the edge of my seat until the last second. Without giving too much away, I'll tell you that Standard needs to pay back some thugs with Ryan Gosling and Christina Hendricks' help, but things are much more complicated than they seem.

Above all, Gosling really impressed me. Blew me away, actually. As I said earlier, The Notebook ruined him for me. Not because he was bad in that movie - he wasn't. That movie is just emotional pornography that makes me really angry. The only reason I sill like Rachel McAdams is because, well, a) have you SEEN HER and b) she's been in several diverse movies I really enjoy and showcased a reasonably wide range.

Anyway, back to him. For the first part of the movie, he channels this... boyishness... that was incredibly endearing. I'm not talking about the Seth Rogen Hollywood man-child bull that we've been force-fed the last several years; there's nothing immature here. But somehow, despite his apparently dark past and less-than-legal job, he maintains this innocence that allows him to connect deeply with a child. Like I said, super endearing. And then, almost without warning, he's curb-stomping the bejeezus out of some hit man. He goes from zero to sixty (see what I did there?) in no time at all - yet it's totally believable. It's easy to imagine him as a guy with a really shady past who did everything he could to escape it, and is now living his life trying to atone/cope/forget. Quite simply, he's amazing and I cannot get over it.

Carey Mulligan is engaging as well. I mean, how can you not be brought in by her big eyes and huge dimples? But she's not just this waif-like little pixie. She's totally believable as a (basically) single mom who got knocked up young but is making the best of her life. 

You've also got Bryan Cranston (who has officially moved in my mind from "Hal from Malcolm in the Middle" to "Walt from Breaking Bad. I am totally OK with this). He plays this strange kind of hybrid of the two characters, who is friendly like Hal but criminal like Walt. He's sort of the father figure to Gosling. 

What else? Oh. I liked that when Standard got out of prison, he wasn't this like hardened criminal, nor was he some kind of wife-beater. He seemed like a pretty genuinely nice guy who wanted to do better. And I like that there was tension between him and Gosling without it being really obvious and in our faces. It was pretty subtle. Which is always better.

I hated the villain, Nino, but then again I was supposed to. But he was loud and gross and foul and it was never not jarring. There was something... big... about him. And if you don't know what that means, watch the episode of The O.C. where Summer gets a replacement-Seth while he is dating Anna. Or, alternatively, watch almost any Jim Carrey movie.

The soundtrack was also jarring. It was LOUD. And I don't know why it was so 80s. I really don't. I know there must have been a reason, because the movie's font is equally 80s. But I don't know the reason. Someone explain this to me. 

Neither of those are really complaints, they were just parts that I found less enjoyable than the rest of the movie. 

Snap Judgement: See this movie. See it now. There's amazing acting from multiple sources. There's a great cast, an engaging plot with an emotional core, and some sweet action. Be forewarned: there's definitely language, and gore, and some boobage. So if you can't handle those things, go see Lion King in 3D [SIDEBAR DON'T SEE LION KING IN 3D. We need to take a stand against useless 3D and the exploitation of our childhoods just to make a quick buck!]. 

Movie Review - Our Idiot Brother

First off, I have to give a shout-out to my friend Jordan. I probably see 75% of all movies with him. For a while, we were seeing really great ones like Black Swan and The Fighter. And then somehow (OK, because of me) we started seeing movies that are just decent (Kung Fu Panda II or The Adjustment Bureau). So, thanks dude, for putting up with that.

Secondly, I mostly like every movie I see, at least when I see it. It normally takes me a good while to decompress and analyze and come to a verdict. Which explains why all my movie reviews are so late as to be basically useless. But anyway, I'm trying to speed that process up.

Our Idiot Brother focuses on Paul Rudd, who despite the title, is not what I would call an idiot, so much as intentionally naive. He sells pot to a cop, but I'd call it entrapment. And he was trying to help a friend. But anyway, after a stint in prison, Paul Rudd is released to the general public. But because his bitchy ex-girlfriend is a bitch, she kicks him out. Poor Paul Rudd is then forced to rely on the charity of his drunk mother, depressed sister, uptight sister, and slutty sister. Hilarity should ensue at this point.

Except that it doesn't really. I was expecting Paul Rudd to be this like Serendipitous Fairy who stumbles through peoples' messed up lives and makes them better. Like Elf. Sure, this trope has been done to death, but hey it works.

Instead, the movie goes surprisingly dark. Rather than Depressed Sister being stuck in a rut with a neglectful husband, she's actually being cheated on and apparently having her hotness and individuality sucked out by his Dark British Powers. Slutty Sister cheats on her hipster lawyer girlfriend and gets pregnant [Oh by the way, spoilers]. And Uptight Sister crosses ethical boundaries to advance her job, which she loses. All of this gets blamed on Paul Rudd, who finally snaps and reveals that he's not an idiot, he wants to enjoy his life and family.

Luckily, this is a comedy, so Slutty Sister gets back with Rashida Jones [BTW how do you pronounce that? Is it Rash-eeee-da, or Rash-ih-duh, or what? No one can tell me], Uptight Sister realizes her neighbor is her Twue Wuv, and Depressed Sister takes her life into her own hands and is Miss Independent, whoo. So everyone loves Paul Rudd and everyone's life is better because of him. Just like Elf.

I suppose I admire the attempt to break the traditional, predictable mold, but I really wish they hadn't. If Depressed Sister's husband had just been like, career obsessed, maybe Paul Rudd could have like set them up on a sexy date that backfires miserably but still results in nookie. Or like Slutty Sister could have nearly cheated but was interrupted by Paul Rudd, causing her to confess to Hipster Lawyer Rashihduh Jones who is pissed but ultimately forgives her, and they have a lesbian wedding. Or maybe Uptight Sister could have nearly exploited Paul Rudd and her journalistic integrity (which apparently is very important to Vanity Fair?), but realizes she can't do that to Paul Rudd, the woman the story was about, or herself, and quits her demanding job in a huff of righteous fury and founds her own magazine with Neighbor Boy/Aspiring Writer.

Are you guys tracking with me? Like, there are lighter ways to get an emotional payoff here. You don't HAVE to go the Fires of Mordor just to get back to the Shire. Maybe going to Moria is enough sometimes. At least in a comedy.

Other than that, the movie was good. Elizabeth Banks should ALWAYS be a brunette and never a sex freak. Zooey Deschanel should NEVER be a bisexual or use profanity, but she's always gorgeous so whatevs. Paul Rudd should NEVER have long hair or a nasty beard, but he was still the best part of this movie, much like every movie he's in except Monsters vs. Aliens where he's a huge douche. Rasheeda Jones is adorable and hot at the same time, even when wearing plaid, jorts, and suspenders.

Snap Judgment - Wait to Redbox it, then see it with friends and maybe a bottle of wine.

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

But hopefully you'll find it worth the wait.

Crap, now there's pressure to perform.

And now I'm hyperventilating. I'm flashing back to junior high. I'm on the bus. I'm being picked on for being short and wearing glasses. I'm trying not to cry. I'm internalizing the pain. It will affect me for years to come in numerous and unexpected ways.

I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH PRESSURE YOU GUYS.

You're just going to have to lower your expectations on this, because I can't live up to them and stay sane.

OK, maybe this relation is toxic. And not the Britney Spears 'Toxic,' the BAD kind of toxic.

ANYWAY... sorry I forgot to post on Thursday. To be honest, the Monday/Thursday thing is not working for me. Because who wants to blog on Monday? And there's something so... bllluuuuuggggghhhhhh... about Thursdays. So let's try out Tuesday/Friday. And yes, I know today is Saturday. Stop judging.

So, recently I discovered the band Karmin. I literally have no idea how. I really really don't. But somehow I did and am better for it. [I feel less cool knowing that Ryan Seacrest blogged about them first. He's the Anti-Hipster, destroyer of all things underground.]



So, this band is an engaged couple. And they're TOTALLY ADORABLE. They have some original songs, which are great. I'm eagerly awaiting their debut album. But I really really enjoy their covers. Their version of Look At Me Now by Chris Brown pretty much blew my mind. I've never seen a pretty white girl rap that fast. And when she isn't rapping, she's singing. Really well. And did I mention that she's pretty? Similarly, the cover of Super Bass by Nicki Minaj is close to my heart, for obvious reasons.

LOOK HOW ADORABLE!!

I don't know what I find appealing about two-man (OR WOMAN CHILL OUT) groups doing covers, but I just do, OK. I suppose it's kind of the definition of derivative, but they're having fun singing it, and I'm having fun listening to it. Plus, I really feel like they go out of their way to add something to the original.

[Sidebar, my general rule for covers is that it should either be EXACTLY like the original, or TOTALLY DIFFERENT. Don't be half-assed about either attempt, it always ends badly.]

So anyway, look them up on YouTube. They're kind of goofy/weird, but for me that's icing on the cake. OR IN THE CAKE if it's a Boston Cream Pie which is really just a cake and I don't know why they call it a pie maybe it's like some sort of like 3/5ths Compromise thing where the Pie Party was like "OK Cakes you took Cheese Cake from us and it is totally a pie so in exchange we demand Boston Cream Cake and we will re-name it Boston Cream PIE and it will be totally awesome but totally confusing."

This is what happens when you make me relive childhood trauma y'all.

"F*&k this clown"

This is Pitbull. Is anyone else EFFING TIRED OF THIS TURD???

He's freaking everywhere. I feel like I can't go three songs without hearing this ass-clown pop up featured on some song.

Everything sounds the same. He laughs at his own lyrics. Tacky. He speaks Spanish that I can't understand. And I can't freaking stand it any more. Whenever I hear him, I literally scream out "OH HELL NO!!" and change the channel as fast as I can't.

It has reached P!nk levels of hatred. So who's with me???

Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Seasons 8 & 9 - Parting Thoughts and Looking Ahead

Buffy: The Vampire Slayer is one of my favorite shows of all time. It premiered when I was in like 3rd grade, and ran until I was I sophomore in high school. To say it was part of my formative years is an understatement of the highest order. It was the precursor to Smallville - which started out as basically the same show - and maybe even other greats like Alias and Veronica Mars. Buffy was one of the first shows I saw, or even know of, that featured a female lead not as a gimmick a la Charlie's Angels, but simply because. Yes, she was a hot blonde, the cheerleader girl in a horror movie. But unlike those girls, she KICKED ASS. Literally. She was a hero who was strong, who was deeply flawed, who spoke her mind, who made mistakes, and who saved her world on an almost weekly basis.

Buffy: The Vampire Slayer is one of my favorite shows of all time. It ran for seven seasons, across two networks. It spawned a spin-off, and nearly two others. But it did need to end. Seven seasons is a long time, for any show, and few shows remain good or interesting after that. Nonetheless, when it ended I was in tears. It was like losing a friend, in a way. Flash forward to the beginning of my college experience, and I get the most wonderful gift! Buffy: The Vampire Slayer: The Comic!! It's totally canonical! Executive produced and occasionally written by Joss Whedon the Creator! Featuring writers like Jane Espenson (Sci-Fi Queen of Awesome), Brian K. Vaughan (my personal hero), and Drew Goddard of LOST. And THIS time, there would be no pesky TV budget to hinder the story! They could do whatever they wanted!

And boy did they. Dawn was a giant. And a centaur. And a doll. There were vampires. And vampires who could become panthers, wolves, and bees. There was - literally - a Giant Mecha Dawn who had a battle with Giant Dawn in downtown Tokyo. There was lesbian sex. There was flying, crashing, Dimension-Spawning Super Sex. There was time travel. Buffy and Angel got super powers. There were bugs in space ships. There were ancient hindu goddesses. There were possessed Hello Kitty Vampire Dolls. This was both awesome, and also troublesome.

Basically, and Joss admitted this himself, they were drunk on freedom. They were reveling in the unlimited medium they were playing on. And they went too far. It was too much. Some basic things were totally glossed over (such as what exactly Twilight was and what the endgame was there), and left the series feeling less thought-out than it really was. There was a lot of controversy too; particularly Twilight-gate and Lesbian Sex.

Do I regret buying and reading every issue? Not for one single second. There was a crossover with futuristic Slayer Fray, and an explanation as to why her world is the way it is! There were some great character moments, and it was truly wonderful to see people like Oz pop up a little. Am I glad that Season Nine will be a return to basics? HELLZ YESZ.

Buffy Season Nine will see Buffy doing what she does best: SLAYING. Not leading an army. Not flying. Patrolling the streets to keep people safe from evil. Will there undoubtedly be more than just vamps? Yes. Will there be some sort of apocalyptic threat Buffy must rise to defeat? Duhdoi. But we have been guaranteed a tighter focus - both on characters and in general. I really appreciate that, just as I appreciate the fact that the creators heard our input and learned from it.

Also, Buffy Season Nine will be running concurrent with a new Faith and Angel series, with a similarly tight focus. This series should fill in some of the gaps with what happened to Angel, and see a renewed fight for redemption.

All in all, I have high hopes. And may Great Muppety Odin protect them.

Book Review - Bossypants by Tina Fey

Originally I was going to post something called "Music I Don't Regret Not Paying For," but then I realized a) That title ends in a preposition, and b) I've reviewed a lot of music lately and need to shake it up. So in the effort of looking more cultured and well-read, I've decided to review the last book I finished - Bossypants by Tina Fey.

I don't normally go for memoires by celebrities. I have Tony Dungy's and President Obama's, though I haven't read them. I probably will someday, but basically... enh. Similarly, the thought of reading anything "written" by Snooki or Tim Tebow fills my throat with bile. 

[Break for rant about Tim Tebow: Look. He's a good football player. I don't know that he's a great football player. I respect the fact that he is committed to Christ and pursuing holiness in a career where that is incredibly difficult. But. I hold by my belief that NO ONE would care he's a virgin if he was an uggo. People only care because the thought of a hot guy not gettin' any is seizure-inducing to our society. Also I think it was kind of tacky to do an anti-abortion commercial during the Super Bowl. I mean, I get using your influence for something you believe in, but why should anyone care what a college quarterback (or Justin Bieber) thinks about abortion??? Also, I think he's really over-hyped and that anyone obsessed with him is secretly in love with him.]

ANYWAY. Tina Fey is amazing. I never loved Weekend Update more than when she was hosting, although Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers are about as good. Mom Jeans is probably my favorite SNL commercial ever. I love Date Night (and even enjoyed Baby Mama). Oh yeah, and SHE WROTE MEAN GIRLS. One of my favorite movies of all time, I've probably seen it more than any other except the Fifth Element. 

That being said, I don't go for 30 Rock. Tracy Morgan bugs me. That blonde chick really bugs me. And Alec Baldwin is one of the celebrities I loathe the absolute most. So even T-Feezy isn't enough for me.

By this point you're probably saying "OK WHAT ABOUT THE BOOOOOOOOKKKKKK?" Well, it was wonderful. It was hilarious. It was personal. It wasn't really sentimental. It didn't take itself too seriously. Which was a welcome change from other memoires. 

Basically, the reader is taken on a journey through Tina Fey's life - her early childhood and family, her formative high school years in community theatre, college and improv school, work at SNL and 30 Rock, and motherhood/wifehood. Throughout the book, I got a sense that she is truly humble, modest, and self-deprecating. There was a bit of a "Who am I to be writing a memoire?" mentality that shined through. I think this really helped to make Tina Fey seem more "normal" and relatable. She's not some fancy celebrity, she's an awkward teenage girl that somehow is a grown-up in Hollywood/New York. She takes road trips to see her in-laws and is frequently covered in various bodily fluids from being a mom. 

In addition to the autobiography, there's certainly a feminist theme throughout the book. What I appreciate about this was that it wasn't shoved roughly down my throat, but really simply presented. Most the time it was things like "Would you ask a man how he deals with juggling being a boss and a father?" or "Men don't have a monopoly on comedy." It was really interesting.

But overall this book is FUN. It's easy-to-read, it's funny, it's unpretentious. I read in like two afternoons. One of those at work. It's just really great for sitting down and reading something light. It was an excellent break from the "How much more can I eff up my characters" awesomeness that is A Song of Ice and Fire. 

So basically, read it. Perfect for lazy Sunday afternoons or right before bed. 

Hit-and-Run Blog Post

OK guys, I know I'm only like a week into this new blog and I'm already late, but cut me some slack - I'm trying to figure out school stuff, I got promoted at work, my house is being remodeled, and when I get a day off, I like to SLEEP.

But in the interest of consistency, here is a list of the three pop-culture-related things that have consumed most of my free time over the last week or two.

3) A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin

In particular, A Dance With Dragons

I'm a huge Fantasy fan. The more epic, the better. I plan on doing a full post on this amazing series as soon as I finish this book, but for now you just need to know that you should read it. Like most Fantasy, there's magic and monsters, but breaking with tradition, it's mostly on the periphery. The books are FAR more concerned with the characters. The focus is truly (at the beginning anyway) about the noble Starks and the villainous Lannisters and their competing interests in Westeros. Of course as the series progresses , the scope begins to pull out and we see how truly complicated both of these families (and the other thousand or so characters) really are.  So, do yourself a favor and read the first book, "Game of Thrones," and then watch the truly spectacular HBO adaptation that I cannot praise highly enough.

2) A Very Potter Musical

To be totally hipster for a moment, I actually knew about this almost as soon as it came out. But I was at camp and couldn't watch it. Then I either forgot about it or repressed it. Why would I repress something so awesome? It's simple really. You see, as long as I hadn't seen this musical, then there would always be more of the Potterverse out there for me to explore. I think subconsciously this tempered the blow of the movies ending, and stopped me from crying (too much) over the end of this chapter of my life. Of course, when I finally did watch the musical, I was both giddy from something new, and totally depressed when it was over. Like ASOIAF, I plan on doing a more in-depth post about just how deep my love of Harry Potter runs, and how it has impacted my life. 

1) MINE-EFFING-CRAFT

Also known as Minecraft. It's like... Legos meets the Sims meets Sim City meets crack. You start out as just a dude (sorry ladies). All you can do it harvest wood and dirt with your bare hands. But as you collect these basic resources, you learn you can make tools. Wooden axes, shovels, picks, and swords allow you to collect more resources, faster. With wooden tools, you can get stone, and make stone tools, which allows you to get iron, which allows you to get diamonds, gold, "red dust" that can be used to make electronics, and so much more. You can combine sticks and coal to make a torch to explore caves and dungeons. You can melt sand to make glass to build an awesome house. You can build a boat to explore the seas. You can shear sheep to get wool, and harvest flowers or squid ink to dye new clothes. You can even feed bones to wild wolves to tame them into partners. 

OH YEAH, and at night, ZOMBIES COME OUT TO KILL YOU. So you can make armor, swords, and bows and arrows to fight back. 

This game is the very definition of "sand box." It's still in the beta testing phase now, which means a) it's CHEAP ($20), b) it's constantly improving, and c) when the final version comes out, YOU GET IT FREE. GO. BUY. NOW. minecraft.net

Anyway, I love you all, thanks for being part of my world, and now I'm going to go to Chick Fil A.